Some Potentially Exciting News

I just found out today that my employers will be switching health insurance providers and that as of March I will be covered by United Healthcare. This may not seem like a big deal to many BUT this provider has covered the Esteem surgery for some patients in some states! Which means, that there is a possibility that I could have my other ear implanted without having to be $45,000 in debt.

Although this surgery is a huge risk and I have had some hiccups along the way, I would not think twice before having my other ear implanted. Before, cost had been a concern, but if it is possible that insurance would cover this, it would be such a miracle!! Even if my hearing is just as good as it would be with hearing aids, not having to deal with hearing aids on a daily basis is what makes the whole process so incredibly worth it.

I love being able to have conversations with my husband in the dark, with the lights off, in the middle of the night when neither of us can sleep; I love being able to hear and feel safe at night, when I am driving, when I am swimming; I love the thought of being able to jump into a pool or the ocean without worrying that my hearing aid would get ruined; I love being able to hear while I am showering.

I am just beyond excited at this moment and pray that this will all work out!

Revision Surgery Agenda

Monday, January 21^st

7:45 AM        Lydia Departs from New York

American Airlines

Flight # 59

Depart NEW YORK (JFK) at 7:45 AM

Arrive in SAN FRANCISCO (SFO) at 11:25 AM

11:25 AM      Lydia Arrives in San Francisco

American Airlines

Flight # 59

Depart NEW YORK (JFK) at 7:45 AM

Arrive in SAN FRANCISCO (SFO) at 11:25 AM

11:50 AM      Alex and Fraser Depart from Denver

Southwest Airlines

Flight # 1030

Depart DENVER CO (DEN) at 11:50 AM

Arrive in SAN JOSE CA (SJC) at 1:35 PM

12:30 PM      Lydia Rents Car at San Francisco Airport

1:35 PM        Alex and Fraser Arrive in San Jose

Southwest Airlines

Flight # 1030

Depart DENVER CO (DEN) at 11:50 AM

Arrive in SAN JOSE CA (SJC) at 1:35 PM

2:00 PM        Lydia Picks up Alex and Fraser at the San Jose Airport

2:30 PM        Check-In Hotel

Courtyard San Jose Campbell

655 Creekside Way

Campbell, California 95008

http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/sjccc-courtyard-san-jose-campbell/

3:00 PM        Audiogram with Dr. Tucker

6060 Hellyer Avenue #150

San Jose, CA 95138

4:00 PM        Pre-Opt Appointment with Dr. Murray

6060 Hellyer Avenue #150

San Jose, CA 95138

Tuesday, January 22^nd

11:00 AM      Arrive at Surgery Center

Silicon Valley Surgery Center

14601 South Bascom Ave. Ste 100

Los Gatos, CA 95032

12:30 PM      Surgery Scheduled to Begin

5:00 PM        Surgery Ends/Head to Recovery

9:00 PM        Head back to Hotel

Wednesday, January 23^rd

2:45 PM        Post-Op Appointment with Dr. Murray

Thursday, January 24^th

11:00 AM        Hearing Aid Adjustment with Dr. Tucker

Friday, January 25^th

10:00 AM      Check out of Hotel

12:40 PM      Lydia Departs from San Francisco

American Airlines

Flight # 16

Depart NEW YORK (JFK) at 12:40 PM

Arrive in SAN FRANCISCO (SFO) at 9:15 PM

1:10 PM        Alex and Fraser Depart from San Jose

                        Southwest Airlines

Flight # 519

Depart SAN JOSE CA (SJC) at 1:10 PM

Arrive in DENVER CO (DEN) at 4:40 PM

4:10 PM        Jane and David Arrive in Denver

                        Southwest Airlines

                        Flight # 818

                        Depart ST LOUIS MO (STL) at 2:45 PM

                        Arrive in DENVER CO (DEN) at 4:10 PM

4:40 PM        Alex and Fraser Arrive in Denver

Hearing Loss and Safety

One of the most annoying things about where is work is that there is no onsite parking for employee. We all must park on the street and walk 6-7 blocks on some days just to get to the office building. What I have learned is that it is all about timing but unfortunately the actual time a place becomes available is different everyday. So, not much help there. 


I do not mind the walking part as I feel that walking 15 minutes to and from my car at the beginning and end of the day is a great stress reliever for me and helps me decompress my day. What I do not like is walking to my car when I work late at night, which is more often than not. Before I had my Esteem implant, I was so terrified that someone would sneak up behind me and I wouldn't be able to hear them coming in enough time to start running for the hills. 


Many people do not realize that having a hearing disability can be very dangerous. What if someone broke into my house in the middle of the night? There is no way I would have been able to hear something like this before my implant. My husband used to be employed as a hotel manager, so before he lost his job, there would be times when he would be called into work in the middle of the night, or be forced to work through the night shift if an employee called in sick. There were many nights my husband was not around which is why my inability to hear at night with out my hearing aids was one of his biggest fears and part of the reason we adopted a puppy this past summer (before I had planned to get the Esteem implant). 


My husband and I had the same concern about smoke detectors. What if a fire started in the middle of the night? The alarm is so high pitched that my hearing aid barely picks up on this tone when I am standing right below it. How in the world would I be able to hear this from the next room without my hearing aids when I am half asleep?


Another safety issue is driving and my inability to hear sirens. There have been countless occasions where I would run through a stoplight and not see an ambulance headed towards me until I was already through the intersection. What if I was 10 seconds behind schedule that day? I probably would not be alive right now. Also, since I am so dependent on reading lips, when I am driving and talking to the passenger, I have to turn my head to be able to understand what the passenger is saying. Anything could happen in those 5 seconds I look away. This, to me, is equivalent to texting while driving. All it takes is 5 seconds and you are roadkill.


These are just a few of the many situations that can be dangerous for hearing impaired individuals. Now that I have been implanted with the Esteem, I feel much comfort in knowing that I no longer have to be scared of these situations anymore. 

A Discouraging Meeting

To start off my day at work, I had a Webinar training to attend. Our team was set up to view this training together as a group and this was very very difficult for me, to say the least. The sound coming from the phone was a bit distorted and almost sounded like a bad cell phone connection. I asked my colleagues if this was the case but everyone felt that the sound was clear. I guess it was just me and my Esteem. I thought that this may be because the volume on my Esteem was too loud but the quality of sound was not fixed by my multiple readjustments throughout the meeting. 

I was obviously very upset (and confused) about why this was happening to me so after the meeting, I talked to the team lead to express my concern. She mentioned that the content being discussed was complicated in general and that the trainer was a bit difficult to follow. The best way to explain this mans voice was that his sentences would start out loud and clear, but then would slowly slowly decrease into a soft mumble that was near impossible for me to hear. Every sentence was sort of like this:

Started at a loud volume and then slowly decreased to nothing…

This, along with "mumblers" and "mouth coverers", are the hearing impaired's worst nightmare! 

I was also having a difficult time hearing the other 5 people in the room with me. At this point in my journey, my Esteem has a very difficult time picking up on peoples' voices at a distance. I know that my Esteem is limited to certain tones and ranges until my next readjustment appointment, but this was WAY more difficult than I expected and imagined it to be. This was the first large meeting I attended since my activation and this experience made me feel a bit discouraged and frustrated. 

When I returned to my office, I had a voicemail. Through my Esteem ear, the voice on the message was distorted as it was during my training. Interestingly, when I switched it to my hearing aided ear, the distortion went away and it was almost clearer for me. I could, surprisingly, more easily comprehend with my hearing aided ear. I emailed the Envoy Technician about my concern and she suggested that I play around with the device settings to see which setting is the easiest for talking on the phone. She also told me that this is something we can practice and work on during my readjustment appointment next month. Hopefully, we will be able to get this figured out.

While today was a bit discouraging for me, I have to keep reminding myself to stay positive and think of all of the amazing sounds I am now able to hear and experience. This process takes time and I am confident that things will get better and easier for me. This was the first large meeting I have attended since my activation and the first time doing anything is difficult. I just need to continue to put myself out there and get all the practice that I can. Practice makes perfect!

Slowly Entering My Social World Again

Last night I decided to make my first public appearance with my friends since my activation. It truly is amazing how much more relaxed and happy I am being in a social situation. Before my implant, I would get so anxious before doing ANYTHING that would potentially require me to have a conversation with someone. Even as small as, going to DSW to browse for shoes when I had no intent of buying anything (which would have forced me to make conversation with the cashier). I really truly isolated myself in the last year, not only from these everyday situations but also from friends and family. I felt so happy when I woke up this morning and didn't realize how much I missed spending time with and being surrounded by friends. I am so thankful for my friends and those who stuck by me through this rough patch in my life. I know it will take time to rebuild all of these lost relationships but I truly feel like I have all the confidence in the world to do this. As I bring myself back into the social world, I hope to to be able to form and build new relationships.

Lunch Date Hearing

Fras and I just got back from lunch and you will not believe what I was able to hear! 

We went to this sports bar right around where I work and it was packed with people watching the football games. When I first walked into the restaurant it was SO loud! Loud noise makes me want to cringe! My device started to produce some muffled feedback so as soon as we sat down, I pulled out my remote and adjusted my device from C3 to A3. This significantly reduced the feedback that I was experiencing from all of the background noise. I actually have the ability to turn down my hearing aids as well. However, one of the (many) limitations of hearing aids is that by doing this, you are turning down the volume on EVERYTHING. Including peoples' voices. 

When I turned down my Esteem, it was amazing that I was actually able to hear Fraser better. Adjusting my remote turned down the background noise so that it was at a manageable level, but did not interfere with my ability to hear and understand Fraser when he was talking. I cannot remember the last time Fras and I went out to eat and it was this effortless. Before my implant, I would get so frustrated about not being able to hear and constantly having to ask Fras to repeat himself. I think it was also frustrating for Fras too to have to continually repeat himself. He says this doesn't bother him, but come on. We all know it is annoying. So, sometimes, it was easier to just not talk very much when we went out to eat. I bet you are wondering, "What's the point of going out to eat then?". Well, that is why we stopped eating out and if we did, we would go at odd hours of the day when there would be less of a crowd. 

Everything about this lunch was just easier and more natural between us. I do not think that either of us shut up the entire lunch! You could tell that we were both just so happy, laughing hysterically, and just having a good 'ol time. Just like we used to. Seriously, I am still glowing right now. Is this how a date with your husband is supposed to be? Is this how couples are supposed to feel? This was just the right medicine for our marriage!

While this was unbelievable, I think the most amazing part of lunch was my ability to not only hear but actually understand the football announcer talking on the TV. Whenever Fraser and I would go out to eat, Fras would always take notice of music that was playing in the background. I wouldn't even know music was playing most of the time! Even if he directed my attention to it and I focused really hard, I would still not be able to hear it. Look at me now! I was watching football and hearing the announcer on the TV. Fras said the TV was pretty loud but I don’t care. I heard it! What is a bit odd about this situation is that, at home, I can barely hear the TV and am still pretty dependent on subtitles. I wonder why I was able to hear this TV so effortlessly.

Today was amazing and has really connected Fras and I in a new way. I feel so grateful for all of the love and support he has given to me over the last 7 years of our life together. He has been my crutch and has taught me so many things about the person I want to be. While we have had our ups and downs, I truly think I would be lost without him in my life. I am SO looking forward to my new world of communication and all of the new adventures we will now be able to experience because of the Esteem implant. I am telling you people, this device is a miracle!

I Love the Different Sounds a Phone Makes

Last week, the sound I found most amazing was toilets. Yes, toilets. Each one makes a different noise when they are flushed! The sound of water swishing around in the toilet bowl is also different among toilets and depends on the amount of water pressure there is. This noise is also VERY loud and still takes me by surprise from time to time. I am again scared to flush the toilet if I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, as I was when I was a kid. I am sure people think this is crazy but seriously, really listen next time you go to the bathroom and you will see what I am talking about and how cool, but also scary, this really is.

This week, the different sounds a phone makes really amazes me. 

First of all, do you know how many different ring tones there are out there? Before my implant, I could barely hear the sound of a phone ringing. Even with my hearing aids in. Even when a phone was right in front of me or in my purse. Each phone I heard ringing sounded the same to me and I never really thought anything of this sound. Well, except for frustration that most ring tones are so high pitched that I am unable to hear them! Gosh. There have been countless occasions in which I would miss out on hearing the phone ring. At work, I have been in meetings where my colleagues phone would ring and I would be too busy talking or taking notes that I would not take notice of this sound at all. If I was talking, I would have to be interrupted so that they were able to answer the phone call. 

Same type of thing has happened when hanging out with friends. I would just be doing my own little thing and everyone around me would stop talking and stare at me like I was crazy or something. They would ask, “are you going to get that?”. I would not even know what they were talking about until I saw them looking at the phone and realized it was ringing. Sometimes Fras would have to intervene to save me from looking like a complete idiot and would just hand me the phone. These are moments I would replay in my mind and think to myself, “How embarrassing? How did I not hear that?”. 

Now, I can actually hear a phone ringing as well as tell the difference between other people's ring tones. It is quite amazing. I was actually in a conversation with someone at work today, when my phone rang. I was talking and actually heard the phone ringing. Tonight I will replay this moment in my mind and instead of feeling anxiety, sadness, and stress, I will go to bed thinking what a miracle this is and how fortunate I truly am to have this implant. 

Another cool thing about phones is how each number has a slightly different tone. I noticed this today when I was checking my messages at work. First of all, dialing a phone is SUCH a high pitched noise that it is no wonder I was not able to pick up on this before my implant. All of the numbers sounded the exact same to me! When I heard this, memories of my childhood started to fill my mind. When I was a kid, I loved music!

One of my favorite things to do was to make music by dialing the numbers on the phone. My speciality in "phone music" was Hot Crust Buns. How did I forget that this was possible? My forgetting this may have sometime to do with the time that I accidentally called 911...Not exactly the music I was trying to make. I think this was the last time I was allowed to make music on the phone. 

While I am enjoying the noises a phone makes, I cannot say that I am having the same feelings towards actually talking on the phone. It is much easier for me to hear on my cell phone compared to my work phone or land line phones in general. I felt the same about this when I just had my hearing aids. It is interesting because I hear much better with my Esteem when I talk on my cell phone. However, when I listen with my Esteem on my work phone, everything sounds a bit distorted and I often have to switch the phone to my hearing aided ear in order to follow along in conversation. 

I wonder why this may be? I am hoping that this will get better with time and practice, as I am learning how to hear in a new way. I am not sure why I went into this journey thinking that my hearing would change and be "normal" overnight. Think about it. It takes children a couple of years just to learn how to talk, listen, and communicate. Once these skills are developed, they spend, literally, the rest of their lives enhancing and building upon these skills. The process of hearing is continuous. As you get older, you grow and mature. Well, so does your ability to hear. 

As I am writing this I am beginning to realize what a long journey this will be for me. And I cannot wait for the ride!