Be Grateful for All Sounds, Even the Annoying Ones

As I got into bed to start journaling, I was taken back by the sound of a neighbors car alarm. Wow! That is loud! It is 9:00 p.m. and so I am sure that all of the neighbors are super annoyed about this, but I am sitting here just taking in the sound, thinking how grateful I am that I can actually hear this. If I was sitting in bed without my hearing aids, there is no chance in hell that I would be able to hear this. Gosh, I don't think I would even be able to hear this with my hearing aids in! 

There are so many noises in the world that most people take for granted because they are too loud or annoying, like alarms, the sound of a computer mouse clicking, the sound of someone smacking their lips while they eat. But people should really be grateful that they have the ability to hear all of the amazing noises of the world. 

Through my journey I am coming to learn the power of gratitude. When you begin to look for all of the things you DO have in life, instead of all the things you DON'T have, you start to put your life in perspective. You start to think, "hey, my life is not that bad after all." From there you begin to appreciate all of the things you do have in life and you are finally able to see that everything you ever needed to be happy is right in front of you. Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

So, next time you want to get all worked up because the sound of something is annoying or too loud for your ears to handle, just take a moment to practice your gratitude for sound and the ability to hear. For someone who has been able to hear their entire life, this probably doesn't seem like something to be grateful for, right? But think about all the people out there who are not able to hear at all or who struggle to hear each and every day. Think about how difficult it is for people to communicate with their loved ones because they are not able to hear. Think about how hard people who have a hearing impairment have to work just to be able to follow in conversation. It's exhausting for us! 

Please, don't feel sorry for us. That's not what I am trying to get at here. All I am asking is for you to appreciate what you have. You are SO lucky that God has given you the ability to hear at a normal capacity so start to enjoy every little thing that comes along with it! Even those noises you find annoying...

Happy Hour Madness

After work today, I decided to attend happy hour with some colleagues of mine. Before my implant, I would rarely attend work events, especially those in loud setting. This was the first time I had been out in a group setting since my activation and I felt so confident going into this situation. Why would this be any different from my lunch date with Fraser? Unfortunately, it did not turn out as I had hoped and planned. I was hoping that communication would be easy for me to follow and that I would be able to sit back and relax while having a conversation with others around me. However, I felt the same struggle as I encountered in the past… 

• Having to ask others to constantly repeat themselves
• Laughing along with everyone even though I struggled to hear what was actually being said
• Fear that I would not be able to hear if someone addressed a question towards me
• Trying desperately to fit in and find a way into the conversation

The worst feeling for me is the look I get from other people when I chime into the conversation and say something completely off topic because I thought they were talking about something completely different. When this happened tonight, it brought back feelings of social anxiety. 

As the night went on and the restuarant became busier, I started getting TERRIBLE feedback which made it more difficult for me to hear. At this point in the night, my anxiety was getting out of control and I was too embarrassed to switch my programming in front of everyone to try to find the “right” setting for this environment. Oh man. How I wished Fraser and I had spent more time out and about so that I could have played around with this a little more. I could have switched to the right setting before going into the happy hour if I knew what that setting was. I went to the bathroom and adjusted my device from C3 to A1. This was a drastic change and when I got back to the table I REALLY couldn’t hear anyone. This time it wasn't because of the background noise and feedback, it was because it was too quiet. The best way I can explain what I heard was that it sounded like my ears needed to be popped or like I was trying to hear with my fingers plugged into my ears.  I am not sure what was worse… what I was experiencing now or the feedback from before! After 20 more minutes of trying to be “normal” I decided to call it a night and rescue myself from a broken heart and the feelings of anxiety.  

When I arrived home tonight, the first thing I did was collapse into Fraser's arms and burst into tears. Why are loud situations so difficult for me still? Once I calmed myself down, I decided to not focus on my negative experience tonight and what I cannot change, but instead focus on what I can do to make this situation easier for me. I started doing some research on Speech Therapist and Auditory Therapist in Denver and I found a few places that would be able to help me learn to hear with my Esteem. I pray that my insurance will cover this.