Exploring the Sounds of Nature

My parents left to head back to Saint Louis today and I miss them already! I am so happy that they were here for my activation and were able to share such a special and magical time with me, but it stinks that we had so much going on with the my activation and the filming that I was not able to spend much "quality" time with them. Shortly after their departure, the producer and film crew arrived with open arms and warm welcomes! Not that I work with a lot of producers and film crews, but I don’t think I have ever met nicer people! Everyone has been so supportive, encouraging, understanding, and friendly throughout this entire process. I am NOT a camera person and I DO NOT like to talk in front of groups of people, but they made this experience so relaxing and enjoyable. This experience has definitely changed my perception of Hollywood and the filming world!


When I woke up this morning, I increased the volume to A5. I did not notice any new noises in my house. During my interview, a plane flew by while I was talking and they had to stop me as this interferes with the quality of sound. I didn’t hear this even after they stopped me. Throughout the day, everyone kept asking me if I could hear different noises and in a lot of instances, I couldn’t… This was a little discouraging for me because I just want to hear "normally" again!! It is one thing to not hear something, but not know you are missing it, but it is another to have other people around you hear something and know that you are the only one in the room missing out on a sound. Although I am so grateful for this implant and understand this is just the beginning of a long journey, I couldn't help but feel a little discouraged by this. I also felt that I was having some trouble hearing everyone and I had to make sure that I was looking at the person while they were talking, as I am still depending a lot on reading lips. Fras is reading this over my shoulder as I write, and just told me that the film crew expressed to Fraser how well I am doing compared to before my activation. This just made my day. 


After our interviews we went to the park to experience the sounds of nature. The first place we stopped was by this little stream that runs through the park.  It wasn’t until I got close to the water that I was able to hear the trickle of the stream. To hear the water gracefully moving across my site. To hear the sound of a stream on a cool autumn day. I mean people talk about this all the time and noise makers are set to play this exact sound that I was experiencing at this very moment. A sound I had forgotten. A sound I am NOW able to hear. A sound I hope to never forget. It is truly a miracle. And it is truly as peaceful and serene as I remember. 

It is amazing how much sound is connected to our memories from the past. Once I heard this, memories from my childhood flooded my head. Exploring the creek in my backyard, investigating my creek as it flooded during the monsoons of spring and summer, my family fishing trips to Rock Bridge. Fras looked at me and smiled. He already knew and said, “Oh my gosh... You can hear that, cant you? Did you not hear that before?” I didn’t know what to say because I have been to this park SO many times and I couldn’t remember if I had heard this ever or not. All I know is that when I heard this today, my heart skipped a beat, and it was just different than when I came to the park in the past. 


Since I was not born deaf, I was fortunate to have a childhood full of sound which has allowed me to have the memory of different sounds. At that moment, I wondered to myself how many sounds I thought I was hearing before because I had the memory of it. When I lost my ability to hear certain noises, I wonder if I replaced this null and void gap with the memory of the noise so that it would never be lost. They say that someone who has lost their leg often have phantom leg. I think what I was experiencing was “phantom ear". I know this probably sounds ridiculous but it is crazy how powerful our minds are.


The other new sound I heard at the park was the crunching of leaves as we went for a stroll in the park. As I was walking through the leaves I dramatically kicked them up in the air and enjoyed the leaves surrender as I crumbled them to the ground. I LOVE FALL!!! I love cool, but not cold weather. I love the beautifully painted orange, red, and yellow leaves that so gracefully fall from the trees. And I now I have the chance to explore and relearn to love the SOUNDS of fall! The crunching of leaves brings me back to my childhood where my parents would spend all day raking the leaves and I would mischeviously jump into their hours of labor and roll around like a dog waiting to get his belly itched. Makes me feel like a kid again! 

One thing I had really wanted to hear, but was unable to hear very clearly, was the sound of the tree’s blowing in the wind. Despite Fraser's best effort of actually shaking the tree limb to make the noise for me, I was barely able to hear this. At my old house, we had two Aspen Tree’s and a friend of mine would always comment on how beautiful they sounded in the wind. I was never able to hear this so you can imagine my desire to hear the rustling of tress as they blow in the wind. I was not able to hear this today and before my implant I had to accept this as a way of life. Things are different for me now. Tomorrow is a new day. Next week is a new week. Next month is a new month. Next year is a new year.  All of my days are now full of hope and possibility.