Hearing Loss and Negative Thinking

Each day I experience new sounds it becomes more difficult to focus at work.  I used to be a very social creature who loved to hang out with friends and talk on the phone. As my hearing has rapidly decreased over the last 9 years, I found myself withdrawing from social situations because it became too hard for me to keep up in conversation. For most people, being around others is a positive and uplifting feeling. For me, it is work. I have to focus 100% of my energy just to be able to hear and follow along in conversation. For example, going over to a friends house to relax and watch TV is exhausting for me. I can either have a conversation with you, watch TV, or lay down and relax. I CANNOT do all of three of these things at once! I physically cannot do it! Even if I try 110% to hear someone, I, more often than not, leave the conversation with anxiety and feeling like an idiot. I often find myself replaying conversations in my head wondering if I heard and interpreted the other person correctly. I think to myself how awkward and dumb I am for not being able to hear other people. This vicious little cycle started and soon developed into social anxiety and later, social withdrawal. I slowly lost touch with friends and family. The worst thing about it is that I never really fully explained to them what was going on in my head and why I just faded from their lives. What would you think if someone did this to you with out explanation or warning?


My rapidly decreasing hearing loss and social withdrawal was very difficult for me to deal with so I knew I had to find a way to feel positive about myself in some way, shape, or form. This is when I started to indulge myself into work because, well, it was the one place that I actually felt “good” about myself. I worked hard and people praised me for it. I was recognized for my strengths, not my faults. I felt needed and part of something. It felt good. However, in the last 4 years I have become a bit of a workaholic. My life revolves around my career. My work has taken over my life. Since I wasn’t able to hear and be happily social with others, I felt that I did not have much to offer to other people except for my hard work and time.

I can think of thousands of occurrences over the last decade in which I would feel bad about myself for not being able to hear in a certain situation. Can you imagine wasting your day wondering if you will hear something or not? Worrying that you may not be able to hear or understand someone in conversation and meetings? Contemplating if you should go the grocery store in fear that you will not be able to hear the cashier when you checkout?  Spending your nights in bed unable to sleep because you are worried about what embarrassing social interaction will happen tomorrow? 


I mean WHAT A FREAKING WASTE OF A DAY!!! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME!!! 


I am not going to lie, I sometimes find myself thinking about these things, but these thoughts no longer corrupt my mind as they used to. It is amazing how much optimism this surgery has given me to know that I am better than this. I know that I CAN have the life that I want and thought was not obtainable anymore. I have the power to change my life and it all starts with a positive thought and the want to get it. It is no wonder they call this implant “Esteem” because it really has helped build my self-esteem and I am so thankful that I was able to receive this surgery and now have the confidence to move past this way of thinking and begin to live my life, happily, less stressed, and less exhausted from the negative thoughts that surrounded my life before. So, a special "thanks" to Envoy for inventing the Esteem and helping me find the person I want to be and the person I always knew I was. THANK YOU!