Caught Between Two Worlds

My journey of Learning to Hear has become a journey of more things than I ever could have imagined. This process had lead me to be more in touch with myself and my feelings, especially those that I kept buried deep within my soul, and as a result, I am finding out a lot about who I am and who I want to become. In some ways, I feel closer to finding peace but in others I feel completely lost.


I often find myself caught up in the struggle of where I belong; I feel like I am caught between two worlds:


1. The Hearing World
2. The Deaf Culture


Where is my place? I feel like I am neither nor. This internal war is a bit daunting.


While I grew up in a culture of hearing and verbal communication, my true hearing capacity is silence.


While the hearing world looks upon me as Deaf, the Deaf Culture sees me as an individual who can hear.


While I have heard and can hear, I cannot hear well enough to function within the hearing world. 


While my friends and family are all hearing individuals, I feel in isolation because I cannot communicate with them as I used to.


I know what it is like to hear, but I also know what it is like to be Deaf in a world of silence. What is interesting is that I can relate to both worlds, yet I cannot fully communicate in either. I understand what it is like to live in both worlds, but neither world understands me. Most individuals within the Deaf Culture do not know what it is like to have heard, but those in hearing world do not know what it is like to have NOT heard.


While my desire to be in the hearing world is much greater, as that is what is most familiar to me, I cannot deny my need to relate to others who actually "understand" me and accept me for everything I am and all of the raw emotions I feel.


So, is the world as black and white as it seems? or is there a place in between for me? for us?


Maybe we do not fit into either, but maybe that is okay. Maybe this is the way God intended it to be. Maybe we are the bridge to unite these two worlds together as one. Maybe it is our calling to help each world understand the other. Maybe this is what we were brought on earth to do: to help and unite. God chose us because we are unique and that special.


Well, this doesn't seem so bad after all...