On Thursday, the day after my post-op appointment, I was scheduled to see Dr. Tucker so that she could adjust the hearing aid for my right, non-Esteem ear, as this would be my only ear for the next two weeks!
As I had mentioned in a previous post (click HERE to view), I lost and had to be fitted for a new hearing aid right before I left for surgery. When my hearing aid finally arrived the week before surgery, my audiologist was able to fit my hearing aid with a standard adjustment based on my most recent hearing test (which had been almost a year ago). She knew I was in a bit of a time crunch and wanted to get it to me as soon as she possibly could. I had been worried that it would not sound right since I was not there during the fitting, but I was actually surprised by how much better everything sounded with my new hearing aid. However, being being the perfectionist that I am, I felt the need to have another test conducted so that my hearing aid could be more personally programmed to fit my needs.
I managed to get an appointment the Friday before I was leaving for surgery. However, looking back, I kind of wish that I would have just stuck with the settings she gave me originally. While I was more than grateful that my new audiologist was able to get my hearing aid to me so quickly, our personalities had definitely clashed while she was trying to adjust my hearing aid. The entire time I continually expressed my discomfort, as some sounds felt piercingly loud to the point where I would actually cringe. Normally, I would say the louder the better, but since my hearing has decreased at such an expedited rate, I have become increasingly concerned that my hearing aid may actually be damaging my hearing. So, over the past year or so, I have tried to be cautious about having my settings "too" loud.
No matter what I said, my audiologist just would not listen to me. During the entire appointment, I had felt like she was basically telling me that what I was experiencing was wrong or impossible. Like she knew what the heck I was experiencing in that moment! It was like she programmed my hearing aid strictly based on my new test results and didn't care to tweak it further as she told me, "The test do not lie". After more probing, she turned the entire volume down a couple of notches, which did not seem to help remove the piercing tone in the slightest (just made the sounds that did feel comfortable quieter). I also had the feeling that she was trying to rush me out of there because after a few tweaks she seemed to just give up and tell me that there was nothing more she could do. I left my appointment in tears. I was actually so upset that instead of going straight to work, I took a detour home to calm myself down. Since it was a Friday, and I was leaving early Monday morning, I, unfortunately, was not able to "fix" things before my trip to San Jose, and quite frankly, I was even not sure if I ever wanted to go back and see her again.
Anyways, during my pre-op appointment, I had told Dr. Tucker about what had happened and expressed my concern with the piercing and uncomfortable pitches. While she seemed concerned for me, she was not sure if she had any available appointments on such late notice. As amazing as she is, she somehow managed to fit me in on Thursday, the day before we were scheduled to leave. As you can imagine, I was beyond relieved.
I do not know why but I have had such a difficult time finding an audiologist in Denver whom I feel comfortable with and trust; someone who will listens to my every need and concern; someone who treats me like I am their only patient (even if it means making others wait). Essentially, I have not been able to find someone as wonderful as my audiologist in St. Louis, Jennifer.
I have to say that Dr. Tucker definitely met my approval. She is such a kind person and seems to really care about her patients. I felt as if she listened to my concerns and made tweaks and adjustments based on what I was telling her. She even went the extra mile to make loud noises so that we could figure out the tone that was uncomfortable and make sure that it was no longer piercing. If something did not sound right, she would try something new. She did not give up. She also was able to customized programs so that I would be able to turn the volume up and down, which my audiologist in Denver said was impossible to do with only one hearing aid.
I left that appointment feeling much more comfortable and happy about my hearing aid adjustments which gave me faith that there are doctors/audiologist out there who do truly care about US as people. Who sympathize with our everyday struggle and want nothing more than to help us and make our lives easier.
What I realized today is that, sometimes, being your best advocate is not always about asking the right questions, or being informed, or pushing your doctor/audiologist to get you what you need. Sometimes, it is not even about you; it is about them. To them, you may always be just another patient; another piece of paper. And unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change that. Except...well...walking away. Just like any relationship in our lives, your relationship with your health care provider must be built on trust and you must feel that "spark" or "connection". So, what I realized is that being your best advocate is sometimes, simply, knowing in your heart what you deserve and when it is time to walk away.
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