The day after my Envoy Esteem activation, I was still so emotionally and physically drained. Nothing can prepare you for the emotion you experience. Hearing so many new sounds and also hearing so many old sounds that are clear as can be is unbelievably overwhelming. Most people with "normal" hearing are able to shut out all of these background noises but I am hearing all of these at once! I thought NOT being able to hear was exhausting but BEING ABLE TO hear so much is exhausting as well. My brain is still playing a bit of catch up in trying to process all of these new sounds and, well, its pretty tiring. The day after my activation I slept pretty much the entire day. Well let me rephrase that… I slept as much as I could considering all of the new sounds I was hearing. Even in a quiet house there are so many sounds that can distract you from sleeping. Unbelievable!
Right now the noises directly around me are what I am hearing most clearly through my Esteem. I am already getting sick of hearing my voice and hearing myself breath, swallow, and chew. These noises are just there ALL the time! How did I never notice this before?
The Envoy Technician told me that I should feel ready to turn up the volume every 3-5 days, but I felt ready today! I never realized how much of a difference 3 decibels of sound could make and was amazed by not only the clarity but also all of the different noises I was able to hear.
Brushing my teeth this morning was something that I really took notice of when I started my day. I found that this almost sounded like a train chugging along. Back and forth of the brush, "chuch-chuch" "chuch-chuch". My morning shower was, again, magical and I never wanted to get out. My hair dryer was unbearably loud to the point where I had to put my finger in my ear while I was blow drying my hair. The hardwood floors are even louder in the quietness of the morning. I found myself tiptoeing around the house to try to avoid making this noise. When I slammed the kitchen cabinet door while making breakfast, it startled me. Fraser always complains about how loud I am around the house, especially when I get ready for work in the morning, and I never really understood what he was talking about until today.
I cannot start my work day without a cup of coffee and hearing the sound of coffee brewing for the first time since childhood brought back so many wonderful memories. I remember waking up to this sound as a child and sitting with my dad as he drank his morning coffee and read the newspaper. It has been so long since I have heard this and I will forever be able to cherish this sound and think of my father.
Heading out the door for work, I noticed that my front door makes a very high-pitched creaking noise when it opens and closes. Never knew that! Before my implant (with hearing aids), hearing a door open and close was a one-toned noise (or a muffled noise that I barely heard). Now I can actually hear the springs within the door. I never thought that a door would be so interesting!
I left the radio on in my car before my activation and when I turned my car on this morning, noise blasted from the speakers! I never realized how loud I listened to the radio. Before my activation I was listening to the radio at about 20, which is NOT comfortable AT ALL anymore. I am much more comfortable at about 8 thank you very much. When listening to music, I did have a little distortion but was told that this is actually "normal" during the first 2 months after activation.
The noises at work were much different than I remember. My hearing aids barely picked up the sound of typing but now this was as clear as can be! I also noticed that my computer mouse "clicks" when I tap it and it also squeaks as I move it. When the armrest of my chairs rubs against my desk, that makes a squeaky noise too! My office is right across from our production room and I could hear printing from the copy machine! I could also hear people talking! Although I could not understand what they were saying, I heard them! It is going to be a lot more difficult to concentrate at work with all of these new sounds!
Today at work was our annual Halloween party. All staff are encouraged to bring their children and each office is set up as a trick or treat station. I have participated in this for the last 4 years and each year it has become more and more difficult for me to interact with children. Last year, one of the kids was trying to tell me a knock knock joke. He said, "Knock Knock". "Who's there?" I replied and he said “Boo!”. I thought he said “two” so I reply "Two Who?". The kid looked at his mother and then back at me with a questioning eye. His mother, understanding my disability, kindly corrected me by finishing the joke. I was embarrassed and devastated. This was when I realized just how difficult it was for me to interact with kids. Therefore, this year, I decided to not take part in the trick-or-treating, but instead team up with my supervisor and second-handingly participate, which took the pressure off. I still had a difficult time understanding what they were saying and had to focus pretty intently to hear them. However, I was able to much more confidently interact and follow what they were saying than in the past year. I am looking forward to seeing what this interaction will be like in 2-6 months from now when my hearing is optimal and my brain has learned how to process this sound.
People are constantly asking me how different noises sound with my hearing aids compared to my Esteem. The only way I can explain it is hearing in black and white versus hearing in color. Although I am able to hear and get by with my hearing aids, the sound is often muffled and a bit one-dimensional. Hearing with my Esteem is like hearing in color. Everything just sounds so much cleaner, clearer, and crisper and sound is much more 2 or even 3 dimensional. It is just amazing how much more natural everything sounds with my Esteem compared to my hearing aids. One thing I really cannot wait to do is go to the beach and hear the sound of the waves crashing and the palm trees blowing in the wind. I could hear these noises with my hearing aid before but everything sounds so much better with my Esteem, so I cannot even imagine what the noises of the beach will sound like.
Well, those are pretty much my thoughts and experiences for today and I look forward to all of the new noises I will hear tomorrow. Each day with the Esteem is a new day full of new noises and new adventures that I now have the confidence to take on. Although I am still having trouble with my word comprehension, each day is less of a struggle to hear people and each day I start to feel more and more confident in myself. I am already beginning to find the confident women I used to be and I look forward finding the social world that I once knew and loved. Hopefully, in the next few days, I will feel more confident to pick up the phone and call my family and friends. It is amazing how much support I have even though I have felt so out of touch with people in my life. I have gotten oodles of text messages, emails, facebooks messages, and phone calls from all the people I felt I had lost in my life. That feels pretty good.
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